We have a new van! :)

I cannot express to you how happy I am to say that! 

:D

The tricky part is that the van is a diesel, and is a manual transmission.  I haven't driven a manual for oh, 8 years?  (Tiffany, if you or Mihailo are reading this, stop laughing)! Last night, we piled the kids in the van after watching kids for the BN social, and headed home.  Took me a few minutes to remember how to reverse without stalling. :P  (In my own defense, the gear shift isn't marked at all).  Oh, and it snowed yesterday, so it was a tiny bit slick.  Anyhow, I proceeded to make it about halfway home, and was doing fine until I came to a hill.  With a stop sign at the top of it.  Oh goody.  (Yes, Tiff, it was exactly like the one we got stuck at all those years ago).  :D  Topping it off, there are cabs behind me and buses driving to the intersection I was at.. lol.. I am laughing so hard, trying to wave all these people through the intersection while attempting to find the hazard lights. I wish the van had a sign that said STUDENT DRIVER.  Then at least they would understand.. :)

Anyhow, we made it home with no further incidents (ok, except for when it slid into 3rd instead of 1st and when I downshifted it shuddered really bad), and I have just realized that now I have to figure out how to get up and out of the parking garage the next time I drive! 

Anyhow, that's all for now.  Sorry, no pictures yet of the newest addition to our house.  The kids have friends over, and now that they've finally decided to stop arguing and leave me alone, I need to capitalize on it. :)  Dishes, laundry, recycling oh my!  I also have to lug car seats down to the van, now that we don't have to lug them in and out of taxis. :)

Sometimes I feel like a fraud

I think I'm getting caught up in the 'everything's better on the other side' blues. 

I see all the wondeful moms who create their own homeschool lessons, have to-die-for photography skills, creatively genius blogs, or wonderful people who have gone through horrible things in their lives and can still find beautiful ways to blog about the experience and be such an example to others, etc...  and then I look at my blog, my life, and I feel so inadequate. Sometimes I want to yell, "What's the matter with me, God?   You don't think I could handle anything like that?"  I wonder if my faith isn't good enough for Him to test, or if I'm not good enough for Him to use.  And then I realize that God KNOWS I couldn't handle some of the experiences I have been reading about.   Maybe I don't realize it, but He might be using some of the small situations I am going through as a learning and growing experience.  Just because I'm not in a third-world country feeding orphans doesn't mean I'm not good enough for God.  Just because I haven't lost a child, or a close family member, haven't had marriage problems or been desperately ill, doesn't mean that my faith isn't being tested in the place I'm in right now.  Just because I use a pre-planned curriculum, and don't do everything myself, doesn't mean that I am a failure. 

Please don't get me wrong, I don't WANT anything bad to happen!  I just mean that I've been feeling very down about myself and my faith lately.  I guess its one of those seasons where I feel like my prayers are bouncing off the sky.  I know He hears everything... it just doesn't seem like anything is happening (according to my pitiful schedule, at least)!  :) 

So, to help drag myself out of this pity pool, I'm going to list some of my blessings.  That way I can be reminded time after time that God loves me, even when I don't feel it.

1.  My husband.
2.  My 3 beautiful children.
3.  My family that loves me.
4.  Financial situations resolved nicely.
5.  The car I drive, the house we own, the one we are fortunate enough to be living in, and the apartment we have waiting for us in another country.
6.  The job my husband sacrifices ALOT of things for, that pays for the bills and some creature comforts.
7.  The abundance that we have that we are able to give to others easily. 

What are the blessings that you remember in down times?